WYSG - Tips

Tips for Punters

If you make a hotel booking and have a partner who lives with you - make sure that they don't send you a booking confirmation by post. Phone up and check that they will NOT do this. If necessary, tell them that you have arranged the room as a surprise for you partner and that she might see the confirmation letter and it would ruin the surprise. You often need to give your card details when booking, but you can always settle the final bill with cash when checking out, so that it does not show up on your statement.

When driving home from a punt, wind down all of your car windows and turn on the air blower. This will help to lose any scents that you might have acquired. This of course assumes that you have a wife / girlfriend who might notice. Another strategy involves always carrying your choice of aftershave and deodorant such that if you suddenly smell different, you wife will not suspect anything. Make sure that you have a reason for carrying it if she asks!

Another tip involves using a body moisturiser at home, and take the same moisturiser to the premises and get the girl to use that for the massage instead of oil. Also stops you getting dry skin on the winter. On the days when you punt, make sure you get your wife to moisturise your back for you.

A lot of massage parlours have a very smoky lounge and you come away stinking. If this happens then invent another alibi, such as going for a pint after work in a smoky pub.

Keep a supply of strong mints and when you say hi to you wife / girlfriend breath out...the resulting minty aroma will hide most unwanted scents / smells

Imagine the scene - you have entered a parlour and taken a look at the girls available and you really do not like any or them. You could simply walk out but you do not wish to appear rude and discourteous. To avoid this situation, I often send a blank text message to myself on my mobile before getting to the parlour. As soon as I have sent it, I turn the phone off quickly, before the message has time to arrive back again. Then, if I do not like what I see when entering the parlour, I discreetly turn my mobile on and wait for it to start beeping. When it does, I simply get it out, look at it and then announce: "Sorry ladies, but I will have to go - my partner needs me at home" (or words to that effect).

Another method of escape involves phoning the parlour the day before and keeping a note of the girls working - in this example, we shall say that a lady called "Sophie" worked on the day before. Then, phone the next day (when you intend to visit) and ensure that "Sophie" does not work. On arrival, if you do not like what you see, simply announce: "OK, which one of you ladies goes by the name of Sophie?" Of, course the ladies will all reply in the negative, to which you will reply: "Oh, no, I wanted to see Sophie, do you know when she next works?" When the receptionist gives an answer, you can walk out a lot easier after suggesting that you will "call again when she works". Of course, you could simply tell the receptionist that you would "like to leave it for today" but do not do this too often as you will get a reputation.

Private addresses almost always require a phone booking before a visit. However, try phoning the number again on your mobile when about 20 yards from the door to announce your arrival. This will allow the lady to get ready to open the door and rescue you from any prying eyes on the street outside. I dislike any addresses who leave me standing on a doorstep where I can almost feel the eyes crawling all over me.

Receptionists sometimes lie about the number of ladies working.

This happened to me at the former Dewsbury parlour called Studio Capri. I phoned an hour before arriving in Dewsbury and received the details of a lady that I liked the sound of. When I actually arrived in the area, I parked and began walking to the parlour. About 10 yards from the actual door, I phoned to ask again who was available at that very moment. The receptionist listed the same ladies, one of whom I had decided to see. Thirty seconds later, the receptionist desperately tried to explain that the girl had "um, er, just gone out on an escorting job - just this minute!". The parlour lost a whole star.

I have lost count of the number of times a receptionist has applied the generic "tall, slim, leggy and busty" description to a lady. "Afro-Caribbean", "French-Caribbean", "half-Afro-Caribbean" or even "Brazilian" really means "black". Similarly, "curvy", "shapely", "full-figured" or "cuddly" really means "plump" or "overweight". "Busty" often applied to ladies measuring a B-cup and "very busty" gets used to describe ladies of C-cup and above. Most 18, 19 and 20 year olds really age between 21 and 25. Most ladies in their twenties will have an age in their thirties. Most ladies in their thirties have a real age in their forties! I have even had one Asian lady described as having an "all-over-body-tan"!

Try to memorise the telephone numbers of your favourite parlours. It offers the safest and most discreet method - since writing them down only invites others to discover and investigate them.

If you really have to write them down then at least disguise them. For example, I once used fictional car dealers to conceal my lists. I might have had an entry for "John Winston Auto Trades" which really referred to "Winston's" in Leeds and "Executive Car Sales" which represented "Executive" in Armley. More cunning still I might have an entry for "S. Evans Services and Repairs" which represents "7th Heaven" in Keighley.

Furthermore, the telephone numbers themselves can take some adjustment to disguise their real value. Try rotating the digits such that 123456 changes to 612345 or even just swap the last two digits around so that 123456 changes to 123465. This works fine - so long as you remember a formula and stick with it. Keeping the numbers in your mobile phone proves risky and impossible to explain if found out.

Also, if you received itemised phone bills then keep them well away from your partner - she only has to use Google to look up one of the numbers to find out where you have called.

Someone once asked for tips on what they should do the morning after an escort had left their house. What things should they look to do to ensure that their partner would find no traces of evidence?

Wash and put away any used cups, wine glasses, cutlery, etc., in particular pay attention to lipstick stains on glasses. Check your bed sheets for stains or "foreign" public hairs - wash them if possible. Check to make sure that the escort did not leave any artifacts such as underwear, calling cards, scarves, etc. Open the windows to get some fresh air into the house, thus helping to lose any scents. Collect all used condoms and wrappers and bury them at the bottom of the dust bin (well wrapped up), also checking any smaller waste bins in the bedroom or bathroom. If your escort showered before or after then check the soap, towel and bath for hairs and so on. Vacuum well, paying attention to any long hairs that might still remain on the carpets. Check any bottles of spirits, etc., - do they contain noticeably less alcohol than before? Shower well to hide any traces of scent that you might have picked up and wash your clothes and bedding.

Ask the girl not to wear perfume, and very little make-up. A good escort will avoid combing her hair until after she has gone.

If possible, try not to arrive at the parlour within the last 30 minutes before closing. Many ladies will want to go home by this time and will not always put one hundred percent into their work. Whatever their motivation, they will surely feel tired and hope to finish the session early if they can.

However, with an independent escort she may seem more relaxed and at ease as she knows she can go home afterwards.

I always keep about £50 hidden in my car - mostly in £5 notes. I do this because I can never predict where or when a window of opportunity will come. This strategy saves you the time of having to search around for a cash machine.

Furthermore, if you have a wife / girlfriend, she will not notice the money suddenly vanish from your wallet if she happens to check.

I also advise keeping plenty of change in your car for parking meters

Most telephones have a "redial" function. On one occasion, I accidentally hit redial when trying to phone a friend and got quite a surprise when I got through to the parlour that I had phoned earlier. This would have proved worse still if my partner of the time had arrived home and hit redial instead! Now, I always dial 1471 after every call. This does not cost anything and sets the last number redial memory to this. If your partner should hit redial then you can suggest that you thought you heard the phone ring when you used the bathroom - and dialled 1471 to check.

Never -ever- rely upon anyone to support an alibi or story in your favour. Others seldom have as much care or even sense of urgency when dealing with the discreet and delicate matters of even their best friends. Your partner may very easily use one of your friends to check up on you and as soon as stories start conflicting or looking flaky - you have had it. If you choose to lie to your partner then your must lie to your friends as well - this way they will innocently support your lies if she checks. A lot of men chose to confide in their close friends - I do not advise this.

If you need discretion, choose your parlour visiting times carefully. Avoid Saturday afternoons, lunch hours and bank holidays, etc., for obvious reasons. I often try to make my visits coincide with major events, such as football matches, where thousands of local men (some of whom might otherwise punt) will watch the game instead. With parlours, late night visits often prove discreet - especially after dark. With private addresses, I recommend mid-morning as a good time in most cases. Phone the lady and ask what time she takes her earliest appointment and consider visiting then. You ought to see less people around and since you act as the first visitor of the day - she should come across fresh and clean. Waiting for a rainy day also helps (see hood tip), since you can approach any address with total discretion.

Always check and double check prices and make sure that ladies do not add on any extra costs for whatever reason. I do not believe in negotiating or haggling for a price since no girl will give the same quality of service if you barter and talk her down. Some girls take every opportunity to inflate the prices of their services once in the massage room when the client can do little to stop her.

I always believe in studying and mapping out an area before making my visits. I like to know which road leads where and where I might park safely and discreetly. Can I use the car park of any nearby department stores? Does a nearby police station offer some security? Can I see and fast-food shops that I can use as an alibi if spotted? Will passing cars recognise my car? Think carefully and get your alibi worked out.

On a few (too many) occasions, I have found myself without a map and with only a limited amount of time in which to punt. On one memorable occasion, I had chosen to visit Springfield Sauna of Ossett, near Wakefield and had looked briefly at a map on the internet, before setting off. I had to collect my partner from work at 4pm and decided that if I reached the parlour by 3pm at the latest then I would have about the right amount of time to accomplish this.

The time reached 2pm and I left Huddersfield, expecting to arrive at the parlour by about 2:30pm. My printer had broken, preventing me from printing the internet map, but I decided that the route looked fairly simple. I reached Ossett by about 2:25pm and then spent 30 minutes zooming around the streets looking for road names that I had previously memorised. I knew that the parlour existed near an industrial estate and so I stopped and asked every passerby where such an estate might exist. Most suggestions proved incorrect and I ended up circling the area and eventually phoning the parlour for directions.

Sadly, the receptionist did not know the area well, but did her best to describe it to me and I eventually arrived at the parlour for 3:10pm. As a result of all of this confusion, I had to have a briefer session than I would have liked and I was 15 minutes late picking up my partner. Those damn traffic jams!

Always carry a good selection of notes with you in parlours. Many places will try to rip punters off and will often (conveniently) not have any change for the £20 notes that you try to pay with.

Some use it as a cheap ploy to make you want to return to the parlour, promising that you can have your change next time, etc., this does not happen!

The wise punter has a few extra five pound notes in his wallet. I often like to test parlours out by trying to pay the (for example) £10 entrance fee with a £20 note and announcing that I have no change. If the receptionist volunteers change then this counts in favour of the parlour. If the receptionist says that she has no change then I suddenly manage to find some in the back of my wallet (or I leave the premises).

Also, as a rule, the actual girls themselves are more likely not to offer change than the receptionist. In many parlours, the receptionist looks after all of the money - including that earned by each lady. Consequently, by the time you have arrived in a room with a girl, she genuine cannot assist with giving you any change. Some will promise to fetch your change from reception afterwards and will conveniently forget. Others prove honest enough to go to the reception straight away and find you some change.

If you have no change, save your smaller notes for the lady and use your large notes at the reception and if the receptionist will not change them, tell her clearly that you want the amount deducting from the fees charged by the lady. Most will oblige rather than risk losing a customer.

Always exercise care and courtesy when calling the numbers listed in this guide as I make no guarantee of their validity.

Never phone up any number asking for "a massage", since if you have the wrong number you may easily annoy or worry the recipient (especially if they have had other calls of this nature). Instead, phone up and ask for "details". If you have the right number then they will know what you want. If you have the wrong number (judging by their confused response), then twist the question around and tell them that you thought you had phoned "car-hire centre" or "railway station", etc.

Make sure that you always disguise your phone number with the 141 service before calling - except for those places who will not accept withheld numbers. You really do not want a parlour or girl phoning you back for some reason or other. If a particular number does not accept anonymous calls, then do it from a telephone-box, if you prefer.

A cold and / or rainy day will allow a person to wear a hooded coat and make discreet visits to an address or area without looking suspicious.